THE WITCH AND THE DRUNK

BACK IN THE SWAMP LIVED A KNOCK KNEED WITCH
SHE WAS  SO DIRTY SHE HAD A BAD ITCH.
SHE LIVED ALL ALONE IN A RAGGED OLD HOUSE
WITH A BALL HEADED CAT AND A BOBTAIL MOUSE.

HER NOSE WENT NORTH AND HER CHIN WENT SOUTH,
SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE HER MOUTH.
SHE CHEWED TOBACCO WITH HER ONLY TWO TEETH
HER EYES WERE CROSSED SHE HAD BAGS UNDERNEATH..

SHE WENT OUT WALKING ONE FINE SUMMER DAY,
SHE RAN ACROSS A DRUNK WHO HAD LOST HIS WAY
HE WAS SO DRUNK HE COULDN’T HALF SEE AND
HE SAID ‘’DEAR LADY WILL YOU GO DANCING WITH ME?’’.

SO THEY WENT OUT DANCING AND THE MUSIC PLAYED ON
HE THOUGHT SHE WAS PRETTY WHEN HE CARRIED HER HOME.
SHE GOT THE PREACHER WHILE HE WAS STILL DRUNK
AND FOUND HER WEDDING DRESS IN A DIRTY OLD TRUNK.

HE DIDN’T KNOW A THING BECAUSE HE WAS STILL DRUNK
UNTIL HE AWOKE THE NEXT MORNING AND HE THOUGHT
HE SMELLED A SKUNK. HE LOOKED ACROSS THE ROOM AT HIS
WIFE SO DEAR,AND SAID" MY LORD,MY LORD,WHAT HAVE WE HERE?"

AS SHE STOOD THERE NAKED HE SAW HER EYES GLEEM
WITH HER NAKED BODY SHINNING LIKE A HORRIBLE DREAM.
HER BREAST HUNG DOWN TO HER VERY SKINNY WAIST
THEY LOOKED LIKE PRUNES AND HE CRINGED IN DISTASTE.

THE SKIN ON HER HIPS LAYED IN PLEATES
IT BAGGED SO BAD IT NEARLY TOUCHED HER FEET.
HE SCREAMED SO LOUD THE WINDOWS ALL BROKE
HIS BLOOD PRESSURE ROSE SO HIGH HIS EARS BEGAN TO SMOKE.

AND OUT OF HIS MOUTH CAME A GURGLING SOUND,
AS HIS EYES CROSSED, THEY WENT ROUND AND ROUND.
HIS EYES ROLLED IN HIS HEAD AND CAME OUT IN BACK,
SHE WAS INGRAVED IN HIS MIND AND IT MADE HIS HEAD CRACK.

HE CLEARED THE SWAMP WHERE HE RAN THAT DAY.
HE DECIDED TO STAY SOBER,THERE WAS NO OTHER WAY.

by Virginia H. Walker